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Tuna and Tomato Pasta

Boil some salted water in a largish pan and when boiled put the pasta in to cook. Check the instructions on the packet if you don't know how to cook pasta!
Open all the tins and put the contents into a pan. Put all the garlic and oregano in as well. Judge for yourself how much you like salt and pepper and put the appropriate amount in.
Put the pan on a medium heat and mix all the ingredients together. You will want to break up the tomatoes if you bought whole ones. Leave it on a low to medium heat while the pasta cooks.
Drain the pasta and split onto two plates. Pour the sauce over the pasta and sprinkle a little parmesan cheese over the top. Serves two (or one if you're greedy)

Variation. You could cook some bacon and add that to the sauce at the same time as the other ingredients if you want a bit of meat in the sauce.

1 Chicken Breast, skinned
1 ¹/₂ tbsp Heinz Spicy Tomato Pickle. (This is important, other pickles are just not the same!)
1 tbsp Worcester Sauce
¹/₂ tbsp Lemon Juice
75g Rice

Cut the chicken breast into 1cm approx cubes. The size of the cubes is not vital so put that ruler away.
Put the pickle, worcester sauce and lemon juice into a bowl and mix. Place the chicken pieces into the bowl and leave for a little while to marinade.
Meanwhile follow the instructions on the rice packet to start cooking the rice.
Once the rice is cooking put the chicken and sauce mixture into a frying pan on a medium heat. Stir once in a while to stop it sticking and if it looks like it's getting too thick add a little water. Cook until the chicken is cooked through. (About 15-20 mins)
Put the rice on a plate and put the chicken on top. Garnish with a slice of lemon (if you're poncy). Serves 1.
Wash the frying pan out straight away because this stuff sticks like anything.

Cook the sausages under the grill or fry them. Once they're cooked cut them up into bite sized pieces.
Put all the ingredients into a casserole dish and put in the oven at 200C gas mark 6 for half an hour. This should ensure all the alcohol has evaporated from the cider. If you want alcoholic casserole I suggest you add some vodka.
Serve with some boiled potatoes (Cook them for about 30 mins in salted water)

Spread Flora on pollock and season like mental with the pepper. Add lashings of worcestershire sauce. Grill on a fairly high heat. Don't forget to turn them over half way through.
Boil up some water in a pan - put the rice in and cook.
Fry the onion until it is beautiful. Hopefully by this point the pollock will be cooked and plop this in too. Give it a good stir. Throw in some more pepper and Worcestershire sauce. Lemon too if you feel like it.
Drain the rice in a sieve - if you want it clean better pour some boiling water over it. Put it on a plate and add some lemon juice. Plonk the onion/pollock gubbins on top and drizzle on some soy sauce.
Eat very quickly, wonder what is for pudding and then realise - nothing.

100g Linguine (another kind of pasta will do eg. Spaghetti, Fettucine or Taglietelle)
1 Skinnless Chicken Breast
¹/₂ Broccoli Floret
142ml Double Cream
2 tsps Sun-Dried Tomato Pastagusto (in the pasta section of the supermarket, sort of like tomato puree but it's got vinegar and seasonings in) I suppose you could use tomato puree instead if you can't find any.
Butter for frying.

Put the pasta on to cook.
Cut the broccoli into small bite-sized florets. Melt the butter in a frying pan and put the broccoli in, stirring occasionally.
Meanwhile, cut the chicken into strips and add to the broccoli after a few minutes.
When the chicken is cooked add the cream and Pastagusto and stir. Heat until the sauce begins to thicken.
Drain the pasta and put the sauce on top